“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.”
~Mark Twain
Acquiring listening skills ensures our ability to better understand the ideas, instructions and feelings of the people in our lives.
How do listening skills make us successful in college and in the workforce? Good listening helps us:
- better understand instructions and assignments
- uncover the deeper meaning of events and ideas
- collaborate with others
- resolve problems
Some might think that listening is a natural skill that just needs to be practiced, but listening does not come naturally to all people. Think about it. When children learn to write, the first skill they must acquire is how to hold a pencil. Then they must learn how to read and spell. Then slowly, with much practice, they master the skills of writing mechanics, usage, punctuation and grammar. So you see, there are many sub-skills that are necessary before a child can put words to paper. Effective listening also requires a set of sub-skills and parents are the best ones to encourage mastery of these skills.
When our children are young we can:
- Ask them to repeat our instructions so we can clarify that they were rightly understood
- Encourage them to maintain eye contact when communicating with others
- Read quality literature out loud to our children and discuss the book along the way
- Engage our children in activities and events that encourage good listening skills
- Prepare children for listening activities by asking them to, “put on their listening ears.”
- Teach them to take turns when talking with one another. Encourage careful listening when speaking with parents and siblings.
As our children become teenagers we can further develop these foundational listening skills:
- Face the speaker. Make eye contact.
- Do not talk.
- Eliminate or minimize distractions – If you are easily distracted by the window seat, then do not sit there. Sit close to the speaker where you can actively receive the information being exchanged. Do not check Facebook. Do not email a friend. Do not text a friend. Don’t do anything that takes your attention away from the speaker. Not only is this a better way to learn, it is also polite behavior. Along those lines, moms – what kind of listening do you model at home? Are you showing your young speakers that they are important by giving them your full attention when they are speaking?
“The first duty of love is to listen.” ~Paul Tillich, Protestant theologian
- Be prepared to listen. Your speaker deserves your full attention. Young people must learn to delay their own gratification…and that includes their desire to think and daydream while someone is speaking. There is a time and a place to consider what might be happening this weekend, but that time and place is not in the midst of an American Government lecture. When our student chooses not to listen with skill, it hurts their ability to fully understand the presented information and ultimately, disrespects the speaker’s time.
- Do not judge the speaker. When we judge what is being said, we are not fully listening. It is better to take notes, and reserve evaluation, or judgment, of the information for later in the day.
- Engage the speaker when appropriate. Show interest with your words and actions. Lean forward to show your interest and nod your head to show you are listening actively.
- Pay attention to body language. Is the speaker emphasizing a point by making large hand gestures? Does their body language tell anything about the subject being spoken about?
- Strive to understand the speaker’s point of view. Don’t hang on to preconceived ideas. Recently, I had an interesting discussion about homeschooling with a young friend. She had received some misinformation from a public school official. I tried to correct her misunderstanding, but she was determined that the public school official was correct. Therefore, she could not learn from me that day. Her preconceived notion kept her from coming to a better understanding of homeschooling in our area.
- Practice patience. Never interrupt a speaker. Some people think more slowly than others. When we try to finish a sentence for someone what we are really doing is hijacking their thoughts. This is not only hurtful, but it is rude.
- Focus on the content, rather than the style of delivery. We all have preferences when it comes to listening to others. Sometimes a speaker might deliver content in a way that does not meet our style preference. In these circumstances, listeners must be purposeful in their listening. Don’t let your preferences keep you from listening well.
- Listen for themes, big ideas, or key words. Good listeners take note of these elements and ask questions to clarify for better understanding. They do not jump to conclusions.
For more information on improving listening skills check out:
The Joy of Relationship Homeschooling: When the One Anothers Come Home
Grace and peace,
How do you help your children learn the importance of listening to what others have to say?
