Fear Based Parenting

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We so often live in fear as we try to maneuver this world of special needs.

We are afraid our children will not be able to cope with the world. We worry that they are behind with their education. We stress when we go to the park or a play date and wonder what our child(ren) will do or say to make people look at them and wonder “Why do they do THAT?”

We fear our own failures in training them and directing them to adulthood. Our lists of worries and fears is probably a mile long.

Here’s the thing, because of those fears, we often fall into the trap of trying to control and change them. Our parenting becomes fear-based. I don’t know about you, but this is my first defense when things are not going well.

Fear Based Parenting - By Trish

I make up more rules, tighten the reigns, borders and boundaries. I react out of fear.

The problem is, more often than not, it makes things worse.

I am finally realizing that I can’t do it. I can’t control or change them. Oh, I can keep trying, but it’s like the old adage “you can lead a horse to water…”

So, as parents/teachers we need to look for a way to contribute to change not control them. While this seems like a “duh” thought, in reality it’s not natural for us to respond in a contributing mode, we tend to respond in the control-and-try-to-change mode.

Contributing means…

We can teach and train; help build the life skills they need to grow up. We can lead them, direct them and love them.

We stay on our knees daily asking the Father to give us wisdom as we endeavor to bring them up, to keep us calm in the midst of the storms that come, and to help us love them more each day.

We ground ourselves in Scriptural Truths so that we can combat the fear, worry and the lies that we listen to, so that we can give more to our children.

We can surround ourselves with people who understand–even if that is via a support group on-line–so that when the worries and fears come in we have support from people who “get it”. We do this so that we have voices of truth speaking into our fears by encouraging and uplifting us.

We live in grace, giving grace to our children and learn to lean on Christ’s grace to keep making a difference in their lives.

I know that many of you feel that you are alone when it comes to educating your children. Some of you are dealing with severe medical issues. Some of you are dealing with explosive children. Some of you are dealing with attention-hyper-wear-you-out children. Some of you are just overwhelmed with life in general even without special needs children…mothering, homeschooling and living is HARD, period.

In reality it doesn’t matter what your exact situation is. The more you connect, even if it’s on-line, the less you will feel alone and the more you can gain perspective so that you can move out of fear and worry…out of fear-based parenting.

We would like to try to be a community for you. A place for you to be able to connect, not just us sharing some thoughts each month. If you are alone, please feel free to comment or find me online and we can connect privately.

I am a mama who still struggles and spent too many years keeping to myself, thinking that no one else would understand what I was dealing with and I realize that the isolation made things worse. I now long to encourage–while honestly feeling helpless some days–and connect with others who have felt or feel overwhelmed.

May He bless you today as you keep looking to Him and seeking His face as you mother your beautiful gifts.


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